The _allas Cowboys

I’ve been hoodwinked, bamboozled, led astray, run amok and flat-out deceived.

Shame on me for drinking the blue Kool-Aid they’ve been serving over at Jerry World.

Coming into the season, even the most optimistic Cowboys supporters – such as myself – knew their defense needed to take a step forward for Dallas to return to the postseason in 2026.

Last season, the Cowboys were ranked 32 nd in scoring defense, 23 rd in rushing defense, 32nd in passing defense and 30 th in total defense. But with a star-studded offense featuring All-Pro quarterback Dak Prescott and a pair of All-Pro wide receivers in CeeDee Lamb and George Pickens, the sentiment around the team was if they could just be average on the other side of the ball, the Cowboys could make some serious noise in the NFC.

Unfortunately, if Week 1 is any indication of the kind of defensive effort we’re going to be getting from the Cowboys the rest of the way, it won’t matter what kind of offensive fireworks Dak and Co. put up, Dallas is dead on arrival.

In their 28-20 loss to the Giants, a Cowboys defense that featured eight new starters looked like a group that had never played together. At one point, New York ran what looked like the same play four straight times (a swing pass to the running back) on their way to the end zone and Dallas still couldn’t stop it. It was as if new Cowboys defensive coordinator Christian Parker spent more time trying to decide which Rolex matches best with his Cartier reading glasses than he did scouting the Giants offense.

And it’s not like the Cowboys were facing some juggernaut offensive unit, either. Back when new Giants offensive coordinator Matt Nagy called plays in Chicago, his offenses ranked 21st , 29th , 26th and 24th . When he served as the OC but didn’t call plays in Kansas City, his units were 9th , 16th and 20th . That sounds good and well until you consider the fact that the Chiefs offenses ranked 1 st , 3 rd and 1 st in the three years before Nagy arrived.

Even still, the Cowboys allowed 4.0 points per drive, a 90% conversion rate on third down (and one of the two they actually ‘stopped’ occurred on a kneel-down to close out the game) and a red zone touchdown rate of 100%. For context, last year, Dallas allowed 2.9 points per drive (last in the NFL), a 47.3% conversion rate on third down (last in the NFL) and a red zone touchdown rate of 66.7% (29th).

Cowboys defensive tackles Quinnen Williams and Kenny Clark were supposed to own the interior; Giants running back Cam Skattebo gashed them 81 yards and a touchdown as New York rushed for 165 yards as a team. 

Cowboys rookie safety Caleb Downs was supposed to be the Swiss-army knife on the back end capable of shutting down tight ends and wide receivers alike; Giants tight end Isaiah Likely dominated that matchup with 8 catches for 78 yards and two touchdowns. 

Oft-injured Giants quarterback Jaxson Dart – who entered the contest averaging a paltry 162.3 passing yards per game in his career – finished the night 23-for-29 for 230 yards, three touchdowns and zero turnovers. 

And to think, before the game, owner Jerry Jones insisted it was the Dallas offensive line that was their weakest link. Go figure. 

From this point forward, they will only be referred to as the _allas Cowboys, because it’s obvious, they’re missing the ‘D’.